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Balanced thoughts

5 minute read

Step 7 asks for a balanced thought: a way of seeing the situation that takes both evidence lists into account. It's the step people most often get wrong, and the most common way to get it wrong is to aim for something positive.

Balanced, not positive

Positive thinking starts with the conclusion you'd like and works backward. It tends to ignore the evidence for the hot thought, and it produces statements like "I'm amazing and everyone loves me" that nobody believes at two in the morning.

A balanced thought starts with the evidence and goes where it leads. Sometimes that's a long way from the hot thought. Sometimes it's close. What makes it useful isn't how cheerful it is but whether you can believe it. That's why you rate it.

What a good one looks like

It's specific to the situation. "Things will be fine" is too vague to hold on to. "Nobody has answered yet, and it's a workday afternoon" is about this moment.

It often holds two things at once. The words "and" and "even though" do a lot of work here. "I rushed one section and it showed, and one revision doesn't make me bad at my job."

It keeps what's true in the hot thought. If you did make a mistake, the balanced thought says so.

It's rated at least somewhat believable. A thought you believe at 20 won't do much yet. At 50 or 60, it starts to compete with the old one.

Starters that help

Even though ___, ___.
It's true that ___, and also ___.
A more likely explanation is ___.
Whatever happens, I can ___.

When you don't believe it

"I know it in my head but I don't feel it" is one of the most common things people say about thought records. A few things can help. Add something true from the evidence-for list, so the new thought doesn't feel like it's arguing with reality. Make it smaller and more specific. Or keep it and see whether belief grows over the next few days.

Often the most effective move is to stop writing and go find out. Research comparing thought records with behavioral experiments suggests both shift beliefs, and that experiments tend to feel more convincing at a gut level. If a balanced thought stays hard to believe, testing it in real life is a natural next step.

When the thought is true

Not every upsetting thought is distorted. If your friend is upset because you canceled three times, "she's upset with me" is simply accurate. For those moments, the switch on step 6 changes what step 7 asks. The job becomes:

Say plainly what's true. 2. Notice what the hot thought adds that the evidence doesn't support, like "forever," "it's all my fault," or "she'll never forgive me." 3. Decide what would help, and what you could do.

"She is upset, and she has a point. That's a reason to repair it, not a sign the friendship is over" is a balanced thought. It keeps the problem at its real size and leads to something you can do about it.

References

Greenberger, D., & Padesky, C. A. (2016). Mind over mood: Change how you feel by changing the way you think (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Beck, J. S. (2021). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
Bennett-Levy, J. (2003). Mechanisms of change in cognitive therapy: The case of automatic thought records and behavioural experiments. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 31(3), 261–277. doi.org/10.1017/S1352465803003035
McManus, F., Van Doorn, K., & Yiend, J. (2012). Examining the effects of thought records and behavioral experiments in instigating belief change. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 43(1), 540–547. doi.org/10.1016/j.jbtep.2011.07.003

Helpful links

Educational content, not medical advice or a substitute for professional care. Ready to try one? Fill in a thought record online or print one.